Title: Dense fog after abandoning me
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/ Nishikido Ryo
Genre: romance, angst, drama,
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, but the story is mine. :D
Note: English is not my native language, so I'm sorry for mistakes
Summary: Jin avoids Ryo, while Ryo had no idea what is going on and he tries to reach him day after day, but Jin seems to be gone. That let Ryo's heart break, while Jin's is already broken.....
Note 2: Dedicated to lilly0 -- just to distract you from some things ^____^ I hope you like it *hugs*
Jin sat in his apartment and felt the gloomy mood overwhelming him again. Actually he wasn't the moody and grumpy guy, but these days were hard for him. The fog was around the area and it was raining since days. He rubbed his temples and felt the terrible headache appearing again.
He lied down on his couch and sighed deeply. Jin hated the depressive, dark and unfriendly days, and especially the thing that his personal sunshine wasn't around with him during these days.
He had to do some things for his new album and his new tour, but he couldn't manage it to stand up. Jin heard his mobile vibrating and tried to find his bag, which was lying somewhere on the floor. He saw the message he got and rolled his eyes before he placed the item in his pocket again.
He knew he didn't call Ryo since days, but he just couldn't. He remembered that the other one was with his new love right now, and it hurt him, it hurt him more than he'd ever admit.
It was some weeks ago when Ryo told him that he was dating a guy he got to know in the bar, and Jin felt his heart breaking. He always wanted to protect the other one, and he always hoped that their way would become one, and not only a way of friendship, but more. He didn't know why he never said a word or tried to get the other one, but Ryo was too precious for him, and he feared of hurting him or losing him with making a further step.
But now it was worse – he and Ryo drifted apart since Ryo had his new boyfriend. Not that Ryo was ignoring him, and he even hadn't less time, but Jin withdrew from the other one, because the lovey-dove behavior Ryo had when he was in love was too much for Jin. He couldn't stand it looking into Ryo's eyes, seeing him that happy, and realizing that it wasn't him why Ryo was so bouncy.
He turned around and coiled up on the couch to take a nap. His mobile was ringing two or three times, but it was “code” which was resounding in the room. It was Jin's favorite solo song from Ryo, but he didn't want to talk to the other one in this moment. He had to collect his thoughts, and no matter how often Ryo would try to reach him, he wouldn't answer the call.
Ryo sat in his apartment and bit nervously on his lips. Since hours he tried to reach Jin, but the other one seemed to ignore him. Ryo thought about what he had done, and if it was his fault why Jin was avoiding him, but he couldn't find any reason for his actions.
He tried it again, but it seemed that Jin didn't want to talk with him. He sighed deeply and put the mobile in his pocket. He walked out of his apartment to go for a walk. It was the best chance for him to sort and collect his thoughts, and these days anything was spinning around in him.
He stepped out of the building and it was like the fog was surrounding him immediately. It chained him, circled him and everything got dizzy, his thoughts were far away on another place. He breathed in deeply and closed his coat when he felt the cold wind touching him. He put his hands in his pockets and started to walk down the street till he reached the park he loved most.
He saw the leaves falling from the tree and he couldn't hold back some small tears in his eyes. He didn't know why he started crying right now, but everything was in a mess. Some weeks ago he got to know a nice guy, and they went out for some times, and anything seemed to be perfect, but anytime something was missing.
First Ryo couldn't say what it was, because everything was like everytime but soon he recognized that something was missing, and some days ago he finally knew what it was.
All time he met up with the guy, Jin was with him, and the time he didn't reach Jin he got nervous and looked out of the window every second, till he saw the curled hair guy appearing on the street and he finally walked into the bar.
Ryo felt comfortable and safe with the moment he saw Jin smiling brightly at him, and he felt a piece missing, even though Jin was only for a short time outside because someone called him. Ryo scanned the area when he lost Jin somewhere and breathed in deeply when he finally saw him somewhere around.
Of course he liked the guy he dated during this time, but somehow it wasn't what he searched for and now he didn't understand why he didn't recognize it sooner. He broke up with the guy and wanted to tell Jin about it, but Jin wasn't talking to him at all. He didn't know what he did wrong, and if it was all his fault, but he couldn't remember about a fight or discussion with the other one.
Ryo rubbed above his face and could see the fog wasn't that intense anymore and somewhere further away he saw a tall figure walking up to him. He didn't have to see the face and immediately knew it was Jin. He didn't know how often he wished to hug the other one with another intention than only being a friend of him, but he never had the courage to tell Jin about it, because he didn't know what Jin was feeling for him.
In such moments Ryo cursed himself for being that shy and bad with words. He started to run and reached the guy who walked slowly down the street. “Why are you ignoring me?” Ryo yelled and saw the other one stopping at his words.
“Ryo-chan?” Jin felt the knot in his throat and closed his eyes shortly before he turned around to the other one. He wanted to go on a short walk, he just needed some fresh air, but he didn't count with meeting Ryo here. He saw the other one's small and slightly red eyes and asked himself what happened to the other one. Maybe Ryo broke up with his boyfriend?
“What have I done to you?” Ryo asked and bit on his lips. He really wanted to slap the other one, wanted to cry out any feeling he had in him, but it was like he was frozen. He couldn't make any step, and he was glad that he could say these words without trembling and shaking on his whole body.
“Nothing, Ryo, nothing.” Jin stepped a bit closer, but Ryo walked backwards to keep the distance between them. “Why are you avoiding me, Jin?” Ryo's eyes were glancing and he felt his belly twisting painfully.
“Ryo … I …. “ Jin tried to find the right words, but everything was in a mess in him. He wanted to tell him the truth, but he didn't know how and if it really was the right way. What if Ryo rejected him, and everything would break down between them?
“I sat in the bar and waited for you, but you didn't came. I sat in the restaurant and waited for you, but you didn't came. I always bounced up a bit when I saw someone coming along, but it wasn't you. I always hoped you'd pick up my call, and I felt my belly jumping in delight when I heard a click, but you canceled the call, didn't you?” Ryo felt the tears in his eyes and bit painfully on his lips to suppress every feeling in him.
“Ryo, no, I wanted but I couldn't come.” Jin answered and avoided the other one's sight. He felt the nervousness in him and tried to face the other one, but somehow he couldn't see Ryo's expression in this moment.
“Why couldn't you? You promised to come, because you wanted to get to know my boyfriend.” Ryo answered and glanced at the other one. Jin's knot in his throat got bigger and bigger, and he didn't know if he could hold back his opinion. He couldn't tell Ryo that he didn't came because he felt sick when he had to talk with someone who had Ryo's heart, because he wanted to be the one who had it in his hands.
“I couldn't Ryo...” Jin repeated, but he knew these words weren't the one which made Ryo content. “You already said this, so I think that means we are breaking up with our friendship, because you don't like me anymore?” Jin winced when he heard Ryo's voice and the fight in him reached his it's climax. He had to do something, it couldn't get worse, maybe he just had to try it.
“Are you still with him?” Jin asked and saw Ryo staring at him in utter surprise. Jin knew that Ryo didn't count with that question, but maybe he'd get an answer. “No, why do you want to know that?” Ryo frowned.
“Why did you break up?”
“Jin, that doesn't matter here, does it? We aren't together anymore, because … “ Ryo stopped and thought about a reason, but the only thing he could tell Jin was that they broke up because of Jin. Somehow Ryo didn't manage to tell him about that.
“Because?” Jin knitted his eyebrows and the rock on his heart dropped down when he saw Ryo's slight blush and his shy behavior. Jin knew Ryo long enough to know what that meant, and from one second to the other everything was clear to him, and he stopped being insecure about the situation.
Jin breathed in deeply and his heart was bumping heavily against his chest when he stepped closer to Ryo. He didn't move back this time and Jin was able to pull away some hair strands from his face. “I didn't came because I couldn't stand it seeing you with him there. And I tried to avoid you, because I recognized my feelings got deeper and deeper, and I somehow thought that isn't possible.” Jin titled his head a bit and saw Ryo looking up at him with his dark and intense eyes.
“I fear to lose you completely if it doesn't work out.” Jin said and leaned his forehead against Ryo's. His skin was warm and Jin enjoyed the feeling he had in this moment. It felt right, deep and true and he smiled slightly. Ryo breathed in deeply before he placed his hands around Jin's waist. He decided not to ask anything further right now, and his desire to slap Jin was gone in the moment he felt Jin's forehead on his. He didn't need any words, he knew that Jin felt the same for him, but their paths were separated and now they crossed again and became one.
Jin pulled Ryo closer till he leaned against him and stroked softly above the other one's back. “You will never lose me.” Ryo whispered and buried his head in Jin's chest. He longed for his scent and he tried to memorize it for the times when Jin wasn't at his side. Jin stepped a bit backwards and smiled at Ryo.
“I am sorry for everything.” he said before he bent forward and kissed the other one softly. Ryo leaned into it and finally he felt completed, nothing was missing, no piece was lost and the feeling of being safe and comforted spread in his body. Jin smiled into the kiss and embraced the other one tightly – he wouldn't let him go anymore, no matter what happened between them. “Fat ass.” Ryo grinned and pecked Jin's lips shortly.
“Shrimp.” Jin laughed and took Ryo's face in his hands before he started to kiss him again.