Title: There's no rose without a thorn
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/ Kamenashi Kazuya
Rating: PG Genre: romance, angst
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, but the story is mine. :D
Note: English is not my native language, so I'm sorry for mistakes
Summary: Kame made a big mistake, and no one can rescue him.
Note 2: Dedicated tojee_min as belated birthday present.
It was the day everything got gray around me. It as like my body was about to die, and I had no idea how it would go on, or how I'd manage it to come back to a normal life. No matter what I tried, no matter what I thought – the day came when my world broke down.
He stood there. Staring into the darkness around him – trying to avoid the mirror on the wall, avoiding to see himself in there. The person he hated most in this moment was he himself. All the mistakes, all the bad things he did lied heavy on his heart and he couldn't forget about the pain he caused others – especially one of his closest friends, maybe the most precious person in his life.
And now he got the answer for the things he did in past – he was not longer able to hide it anymore. Not from himself and not from all the others. Even though his friends would never blame him for the things he did, he blamed himself for all the stuff which happened long ago.
Was he able to change himself? Was it too late to admit his mistakes and the fault?
Kame walked down the corridor and saw his shadow on the ground, following him silently – he put his hands in his pockets and bit on his lips – it was the day of the most important decision he had to make – he wanted to be honest.
“Jin”, he opened the door and saw the other one sitting in the middle of the room. “Kazu? What are you doing here? It's my solo concert? “, Kame blinked some times and tried to hide the tears which appeared in his eyes. But he knew that Jin recognized them – no one knew Kame better than the other one did, mostly not even he himself.
“I am here because...I wanted to say...”, he started but stopped when he felt the knot in his throat.
“Yes?”, Jin looked at him, still surprised that he came to his concert. “It's all my fault, isn't it?”, Kame swallowed and looked at the latter.
“What?”, Jin answered and knitted his eyebrows before he stood up and walked across the room. He rubbed his face and searched for the right words. “Kazuya, that's nonsense and you know that...”.
Kame stared at the ground and tried to sort out his thoughts. He knew it was his fault, but he also knew that Jin would never admit this fact. “Jin, don't tell me that the things you did weren't because of me. I know you went away because of my behavior and my actions. And believe me, I hate myself for everything I did during the last years.”
“Kazuya, stop it, don't say such things”, Jin answered and shook his head to forget about the happenings between them.
“Jin, I hate you, I hate you more than anyone else in my life. I don't want to see you again, go, go out of my life., Kame screamed and the tears were dropping on his shirt.
“Kazu, it was a mistake...I kissed the guy, but I didn't do anything further.” Jin tried to explain everything but the one pushed him to the door and closed it harshly.
Kame started to ignore the other one. He acted like Jin was a stranger and on the day he wanted to excuse Jin told him and the rest of the band that he'd going to study abroad. Kame's world broke down in between some seconds and all the feelings started to overwhelm him. Deep in his heart he loved the other one like he did two years ago, but he'd never tell the other one about it.
So months passed by and after Jin's return they ignored each other like they did before. Kame's heart broke again and again, but he was too proud to make the first step and confess his feelings, which were still there for Jin, till today.
“I am stubborn”, Kame looked up to face the other one and nibbled nervously on his lower lip.
“Kazu...”, Jin sighed and rubbed above his face. He didn't know why Kame was here and why he wanted to talk to him now, but somehow he had the feeling that Kame was searching for hold and comfort in this moment. But he couldn't get why it was him to whom Kame went.
Kame turned around and left the room after a short “Sorry for disturbing you” and closed the door without looking at Jin anymore.
Jin looked at the floor and saw a small sheet of paper lying there. His eyes grew wider when he saw the lines which were written there.
after so many years I recognized my true feelings for you and I have to admit that I always loved you and I regret every word I said, except the lines I told you one evening before we separated, “I love you”, Jin.
Jin saw a second piece of paper behind the letter and started to read this one too.
The day for the revenge,
you'll never get your luck,
try it and he'll die
don't make any try to confess
Die Kame, go to die.
“Again...”, Jin murmured and rubbed his temples. Kame was often a target of attacks for haters and bashers and Jin knew that Kame got stronger during the last years, but he also knew that he was still weak and not as strong as he wanted to be. He exactly knew who wrote that letter and called some friends to solve the problem.
Jin left the building after his concert and didn't drive home as he had planned to do. He knocked on the well known door and saw Kame opening it with deep red and puffy eyes. His mouth opened when he saw the letter in Jin's hand.
“Oh no...”, he pressed out and wanted to close the door, but Jin was too strong and pushed Kame backwards, till both were sitting on the couch.
“Since when do you get these letters?” Jin's voice was trembling, because even though they avoided each other, Jin had always strong and deep feelings for Kame. And when he let his heart taking control, he knew that he didn't like but loved the other one during all the years till today.
“Some weeks”, Kame rubbed on his jeans and spoke without looking at Jin.
“You are kidding, are you?”, Jin sighed deeply and touched Kame's shoulder before he continued. “Why didn't you say a word?”
“I don't know....what should I tell you? We weren't talking at each other. And I thought you weren't interested in it.”
“Kazu, last time this happened I was on your side and nothing changed since then.” Jin could see the desperation in the other one's eyes. He knew Kame would never have said a word, even though he made the try some hours ago.
„I know Jin.“ Jin could hardly hear the other one's whisper and robbed a bit closer to touch Kame's shoulder slightly. „But my world is breaking down step by step and I think I can't do anything against it, it just happens.” Kame turned around and faced the other one, trying to get what Jin was thinking in this moment.
“Why? Because of these letters? Don't be so down because of them, we find a way to stop this.” Jin tried to smile, but saw that Kame wasn't affected by his words.
“Jin, it's not only about the letters...”, Kame sighed deeply and searched for the right words, but they didn't want to come into his mind. Without saying anything he felt Jin coming closer to put his arms around him and pressing him against his chest.
“Everything will be alright, Kazu, no matter what it is”, Jin whispered into Kame's ear and felt some small tear drops falling on his arm. “Are you crying?”, he added and looked at the coiled up boy in his lap. Kame couldn't hold it back anymore and the tears were running down his face and he was sobbing loudly. “Jin, I made the biggest mistake in my life, and I'd give anything to change what I did, but I can't go back and take back the words I used towards you. Since then my world broke down and with every minute another piece of me is missing.” Kame spoke without looking up and he closed his eyes when he felt a hand stroking softly above his head, trying to calm him down.
“Everything is alright, Kazu”, Jin said.
Late at night Kame woke up and everything got dark again. His thoughts started to spin around and he tried to ignore the feeling of being breathless. He turned around, and of course there was no one around him. It was another dark night where he dreamed about him, about the only person who could give him hold and comfort, but all the things he did and said would never bring him back anymore.
My world is dark, nothing can bring the sunlight into it – the day my soul died was the day my life got useless. Everything is gray and everything is senseless. No one can help me, and the one who could do it, won't come to rescue me. The darkness takes control, my breath is slowly and calm, but it feels like I am not able to breathe. Black – black is everything around me, no light, no color, no happiness.
A/N: Yeahhhhh I am back from my holiday trip ^^ I know I start with a little angst....but there will be a second part to this one shot, I promise. ^^ On the one side it's dedicated to jee_min as a belated birthday present, and on the other side it's also for sweetspicyhot, because of your nice and lovely mails. :DD