yukitsubute (yukitsubute) wrote,

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I wish to die (one shot)

I wish to die

I wish to die
Pairing: Hongo Kanata/ Chitose Ai
Rating:  PG-15
Genre: ANGST, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, but the story is mine. :D
Note: English is not my native language, so I'm sorry for mistakes
Summary: Hongo wants to end his life, because Ai is far away...

Dedicated to 



He stood on the roof of a building. His eyes were deep red and his breathe was fast. He didn’t know why he came up here, but maybe it was because of her. Ai was his first love, she always was the one he wanted and now everything was too late.

It started to rain again and he felt the drops running down his face, his clothes got soaking wet, but it didn’t matter, everything didn’t matter at all, because he decided to end here. It was the decision he made some weeks ago. He didn’t want to live without her, and he was sure that he also couldn’t live without her.

He stepped to the brink of the roof and looked down there. It was at least 30 meters down there, and he knew he’d die when he’d jump.

“I just wanted to protect you, and now I lost you”, he screamed out and his tears mixed up with the pouring rain. He thought he could hear her voice calling his name, but it was impossible, Ai couldn’t call him, she was far away.

“Ai?”, Kanata called her name out loud, even though he knew it was senseless to call her. He closed his eyes and felt the cold air on his body. He started to shiver when the wind blew against his wet clothes and made him freezing everywhere.

Kanata…”, there it was again, a voice that sounded like hers, but it couldn’t be, because she was gone.

He looked at the sky and saw some blizzards lighting the city, and a loud thunder mixed up with a voice in the air: “Don’t do it”.

Kanata turned around and looked at the roof behind him, but he couldn’t see anyone or anything.

“Ai, I am following…”, he breathed in deeply and made another step on the roof.

“Don’t! come to me, but not in this way!”, the voice resounded again.

“But…”, he said and knitted his eyebrows.

“Come……….”, the voice echoed and Kanata felt like someone was pulling him from the roof and guiding him away from there.

One hour later he found himself in the hospital. His body was shivering and he looked through the window into a small and somehow friendly room. A girl was laying there, a lot of machines around her and the nurse walked up to him.

“Ah, good that you are here, there is something new. Her heart beat changed in the last hours and it seems something bothered her, so maybe there is a change in her condition. You can go in if you want to.”, the nurse smiled at him and offered him dried clothes before he entered the room were Ai laid.

A horrible accident let her fall in coma months ago, and the doctors gave her no chance to wake up again, but he believed that she’d return to him.

He thought of the last hours and thought of the possibility that her heart beat could be connected with the situation on the roof.

He sat next to her and stroked above her hand, like he did so often during the last months, but never happened anything. He wanted to jump, because it wasn’t bearable for him anymore. He knew she’d never wake up again, even if he’d be there on every day of his life. He couldn’t anymore, and he decided to say good bye again, and walk back to the roof of the building.

He wanted to stand up and turned around for a last good bye, kissed her forehead slightly and wanted to walk out of the room, when he felt something on his hand.

“Oh my god”, he screamed and ran out to search for the doctor. Hours later he sat there, holding Ai’s hand and stroked above her face slightly. She was weak, but she had her eyes open and she could move her fingers.

He smiled and bent over to kiss her cheek softly, trying not to hurt her, or to do anything wrong. She enjoyed his touches, he could see it in her eyes and he smiled even brighter when he felt her finger’s caressing his palm slowly.

“You were there and hold me back”, he whispered and saw her eyes closed and opened again, just like she wanted to say: “Luckily I saved your life and let you return to me…”

Three weeks later Ai could leave the hospital and her smile made Kanata’s heart beat faster and he held her hand, and promised to never let her go anymore and before he could say anything she turned around and smiled at him:

“Promise me, that you never try to kill yourself, no matter how bad your situation is, because maybe I won’t be there to safe your life.”, she hugged him and kissed him deeply, making him promising this to her.


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